I knew I was going to write this, and I knew it was going to be hard. I just didn’t expect it to be this hard.

Life is a fascinating thing: one minute you walk through doors for the first time, and the next, you walk through them for the last time. Where did all the time go? What happened to the promises of living in the moment? Is there even such a thing?

To live in the moment means to manipulate yourself into shutting off your brain for the smallest amount of time to take in the environment. But how can you live in the moment when there are dozens of things going on around you, when your brain can’t stop thinking about the future? You can’t.

In my earlier years of high school, I was excited to walk across that stage. I was thinking about how it’d feel to turn the tassel to the left side, but now, as the date creeps closer, the more anxious I feel. This is something I’ll never be truly ready for. It feels like a goodbye.

But it doesn’t have to be, a beautiful person once said. A few days earlier, I was consumed by “the end.” The thought of saying goodbye to a place I spent four years of my life overwhelmed me. The hallways I skipped through, the library I spent my study halls in, and room 1400 where I spent time with some of the world’s most amazing people. It was all over, or so I thought.

I can’t say goodbye, and there is no such thing as “the end” because I’ll carry these memories with me. These are experiences that helped me become the person I am today, and there are some moments that are just hard to forget: all the news magazine distributions, running to the busses after attempting to find the lunchbox I lost for the fifth time, laughing along to the pop culture references I never understood, and so many more.

I wouldn’t be here without the people who’ve guided me along the way.

Thank you to my family. To my mother for staying up late with me when I was finishing up homework I should’ve done earlier, and for being one of the biggest fans of my art. For my father for always encouraging and supporting me, and for saying yes when mama said no. For my older sister for listening to my long rants about how life is so hard and how it’d be so much easier if I was a bird, and…for being my personal wallet. To my younger brother for downloading games for me to play and for beating the levels I couldn’t beat because WASD confused me. To my younger sister for admiring the work I do and for attempting to convince mama to give me cookies (even though it didn’t work most of the time). To my grandparents, for your continuous love and support.

Thank you to my best friend for everything. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Back in freshman year, when we bonded over our love for psychology, to senior year, about to leave for college. I can tell you anything, and you’ll always understand because oftentimes, you know the feelings all too well. Thank you for all the memories, and I’m excited to make even more in the coming years. 

Thank you to my friends with whom I shared many beautiful experiences, for always being there for me and for expecting me regardless of the differences we share. Thank you for holding things for me when I had too much to carry, for yelling at me about giving myself back problems before I turn 20, and for laughing at my dad jokes.

Thank you to all my teachers throughout these four years of high school that taught me so many lessons that I’ll remember throughout my life. To Ms. Greiner, thank you for inviting me to The Blaze and for seeing something in me when you created the graphic editor position. To Mr. Anderson, for being so appreciative, caring, and kind. Thank you for the amazing kickball games and fun moments we all shared in the classroom.

Thank you to the librarians, Ms. Groah, Ms. Mansour, and Ms. McGuinness, for making the library my favorite place in the school. Thank you for the book recommendations, the words of advice, and the sweet treats. Thank you for all the work you put in to make the library a comforting space for students.

And last but not least, thank you to all the strangers I’ve met on my journey that made my day in the smallest way possible.

From “have a good summer” to “have a good life,” from walking into high school for the first time to leaving it for the last time, time doesn’t wait for anyone. This may feel like a goodbye but it certainly isn’t. Soon enough, a new chapter will start in our stories, so here’s to new beginnings.

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not fighting the old, but building the new.” – Socrates.