My whole life has been defined by what I wish would happen, what I wish I had done differently. I wish I had stuck with ballet in elementary school. I wish I had tried out for the play in ninth grade. I wish I had been brave enough to ask that boy out. I wish I had studied harder for the SAT. I wish I spent more time with my family. I spend so much time worrying about what I could have changed; how my life would be so much better if I had just done one little thing differently. 

I tend to have a hard time making decisions, especially the big, life-altering decisions I’ve had to make this past year: it’s the one thing I choose to blame on being a Libra. When faced with two decisions, I find myself at a mental crossroads. “If I choose this one, life as I know it will forever be changed. But if I choose this one, everything will be okay.” I also find myself to be completely swayable by those around me. “Oh, they applied to this college? I should probably apply there too. They’re getting extra volunteer hours this summer? I should find somewhere to volunteer.” They say comparison is the thief of joy, but I just can’t stop myself from thinking about how well I’m doing in life compared to my classmates, my family, the people I see online. 

Comparison hasn’t been the only driving force in my life, however: competition is the shadowy figure hiding behind it. The need to win urged me to run for president instead of vice-president of the National English Honor Society, and I ended up winning. Competition was the fire beneath me, calling me to run faster, work harder, study longer. 

Even though I’ve spent so much time wishing I had done things differently, I’m so happy and grateful for where I’ve ended up and the experiences I’ve partaken in. 

But I know I couldn’t be where I am without the inspiration I’ve found in those I look up to. I owe my sense of humor to Lorelai Gilmore, my love for poetry to Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey, and not only my general outlook on life, but my entire existence to my mother. 

So while I don’t think I’ll stop wishing for different outcomes, I know I’ve worked hard for everything I have, and I’ll get my happily ever after, no matter what.