Reflection has never been my forte. The mandatory self-assessments following Socratic seminars or projects, the feedback forms pos-presentations, and most critically, self-reflections, have all been a source of discomfort for me. This aversion stems from a core value I hold, “Que sera, sera”—what will be, will be. Which is an ironic phrase to hold so solidly to as I’m not exactly sure where it’s from or even the language it’s in. Yet, it’s something I’ve been repeating to myself throughout my high school career and something I’m currently telling myself as I rewrite the draft for this piece for the umpteenth time.

It’s the reason I hold no regrets in my life, but also the cause of unyielding apathy. There’s a balance to be struck, and it’s a balance I fear I still have little idea of how to control. As I toe the edge of the graduation stage, more and more people have been asking me to reflect on high school, more specifically, my regrets— missed opportunities, actions taken, ect.  However, despite the repeated inquiries, the conversations always remain virtually the same:

“Do you wish you had done [insert some high school activity]?”

“But I didn’t do [said high school activity].”

“If you could go back though, and do it all over again, would you?”

If you could do it all over again.

I feel this isn’t an uncommon question or thought to have, though quite honestly, a useless one. Dwelling on irreversible decisions is an exercise in futility. Reflections are only valuable when they spark change. A reflection truly is fruitless if your next one is identical, after all. 

So my reflection? My advice to my past self, if I could do it all again?

My philosophy of “Que sera, sera,” has followed me throughout high school, for better or worse. And as I reflect, not with regret but with acceptance, I realize the profound impact of every decision and non-decision. The mundane and momentous have each played a role in shaping my individual narrative. If I were to impart “wisdom” (as much wisdom as an 18-year-old can give), it would be to find joy in the process of learning and to cherish the structure that school provides. Learn to find small things to love in life, especially in things you dislike. For every paper, lab report, or test there is at least one thing you can find joy in, whether it be an interesting fact or the satisfaction of completion. There is always happiness to be found, or made, in every aspect of life.

As I step off the precipice of change, ready to step into a world without the familiar rhythm of school bells, I hold on to the belief that what happens, happened and that every experience is a step closer to the next chapter of my life.